“Death is not a hunter unbeknownst to its prey, one is always aware that it lies in wait. Though life is merely a journey to the grave, it must not be undertaken without hope. Only then will a traveler’s story live on, treasured by those who bid him farewell. But alas, now my guest’s life has ended, his tale left unwritten…”
Perhaps that's a bit too cryptic to address the death of my mobile phone. She's not actually dead, though. Comatose would be more accurate. The battery still has some juice left, I can still charge it, but no matter how many times I poke the teeny-weeny reset button she won't wake up. If you're thinking 'How about the power button?' Well, here's the answer:
You know what a friendly Ryu would call his rival? Bro Ken. That is a terrible pun. Forgive me.
Anyway she will never wake up from her eternal slumber. Unless...
Unless another mobile phone clad in lustrous armor decides to give a cybernetic kiss ala Wall-E to her then...you get the picture.
But alas, all things must come to an end and all mobile phones eventually break down due to manufacturing issues.
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| There are actually more productive ways to spend your time. This isn't one of them |
Lower the box!
According to this post two years ago the Alcatel Glory 2 mobile phone that mom gave me is my fourth phone. The first one is a Nokia someone gave me as a hand-me-down, the second is an LG my dad gave me, the third is a Samsung that my mom gave me, and finally the fourth is the now somnous Alcatel also given by my mom.
As you can see I am not at all good at naming the exact model of the phone, just the brands.
I'm not that interested in mobile phones to be honest. I only ever use them for what they're originally for and as an expensive alarm clock. Sure they're handy because it's basically wireless communication amplified to a worldly range with some other special features such as being able to trap and immortalize in 1s and 0s the soul of people and objects using a built-in camera, access the ever so glorious web, play games and tick away whatever time they have left in this world. But that's it, I guess? Save the communication part to an extent, the 3DS, Wii U, and heck a PC can do all those things. So why waste half a thousand dollars for a fancy smartphone when you can just buy a mobile phone with only its original functionalities, and a home console? But no it has to be a big ass smartphone so that it looks and feels like you're storing Haruki Murakami's After Dark inside your pockets. It's absurd! So absurd it's not even funny...Ok it's funny a little bit.
But you know what really grinds my gears? Vanity. Whether with a stick or with just your hands I suppose humanity is hellbent on vanity that it's not enough to make the public bathroom a private photo shoot studio, the rest of the world has to be, too, as you show it just how good looking you are holding any number of random objects every damn minute.
Doc Brown is right, 2015 does suck.
But how did we get here, though? I thought I was supposed to narrate the life my Alcatel lived. Can't anymore. I'm actually really frustrated right now because I just remembered I made important notes on it last Thursday. Those notes where crucial for the progression of one of my projects. I had to go out into society, risk the odds of being hit by a somersaulting truck as I cross the road so that I could do some helpful research, and jot down those notes. But now that my mobile phone is in a coma I have no way of retrieving those notes. Suddenly the realization that the only productive thing I did the whole day last Thursday went down the drain came to me. My mobile phone has betrayed me. Humans first, then objects.
Please excuse me while I nail my mobile phone to a tree somewhere far away and give it the burial service it deserves.
No. If you have my number don't even dare to call me. No one will answer. And most of all, there's nothing to call.
Fade to black.
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