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| Mea Anima Lacrimosa is Latin for My Soul is Weeping |
If high school taught me something that's usually not part of the lesson plan it's to pretend I'm taking notes when really I'm just unloading the dull thoughts I have in completely random brain farts whenever the teacher's jaw moves up and down making sounds that I fail to comprehend thanks to my pea-sized attention span.
That's not to say I didn't learn anything in high school, in fact I owe a lot to the high school that I went to, they gave me plenty of headaches and sleepless nights to think and to ponder about life and its countless mysteries such as B, D, S, and M teachings - Brain Damaging Mathematics and Sciences teachings. Of course, that's what it meant you dirty harry.
I was very wrong.
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| PS. My handle used to be Suichi and Shikiwasu (it's stupid I know) |
Never have I wanted to murder someone so badly than after reading the first binder. The sixteen year old me in high school makes twenty year old present me cringe. Only now do I fully realize just how annoying I was knowing that I blasted every page with weeaboo sh*t. I mean there are people who have extensive knowledge with their hobbies but at least they know how to apply themselves. And then there's me. What is 'Me'? I just tried too hard to be someone I shouldn't be. Ugh. Cringing.
Anyway this is likely to go on for three more posts so might as well get on with it.
I started the first binder on February 18, 2011, just less than two months left on my third year in high school. Around that time, if I was the protagonist of a visual novel, I'd already be preparing for exams with my circle of friends which consists of a fragile girl who is also my love interest, twins, a playboy best friend, mostly absent secondary characters, and a very strict but supportive teacher, and then there's the rest of the class as NPCs. However, instead of studying we're all playing baseball.
Sadly Mr. Jun Maeda wasn't there to direct my high school life so I just left myself in one corner of the classroom quietly ticking away the time I have left as a third year in 'Sigh School'.
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| biggest highlight of the summer of '11 was my attending Ozine Fest 2011 |
The first binder is maybe 1/4th academics, and 3/4th random notes of obsessions.
The academics part are mostly about emergency notes, 'to-do' lists, and other tasks as class representative. The most daunting task? Collecting funds. Really. Funds. To this day the personal flash drive that I sacrificed so that the whole class could submit a project is still not fully payed.
The binder bridges over from the last two months of third year all the way to the first two months of fourth year high school. The summer vacation I had at the time also involved plenty of head-splitting academics. Since we were all set to graduate high school we were eventually expected to take on the first barrier of higher education that high school prepared us for - college entrance exams. My parents urged me to enroll in one of the summer study sessions famous for its success rate in entering students in one of the four top universities in the country - the UPLink.
The UPLink is a series of summer classes designed to prepare high school students for college entrance exams, with the summer classes culminating into a mock exam that was said to be four times harder than the actual UPCAT (University of the Philippines College Admission Test). I failed miserably in that mock exam. It did, however, successfully prepare me for the actual exam which I miraculously passed with my Mongol 2 pencil and a couple of caramel bars that got me into this pressure cooker of a university in the first place. I like it here. Honestly. I like it so much that I got delayed for an extra semester. I literally crie every tiem.
The random part is the one that made me really cringe, I almost curled up into a fetal position because of the emotionally awkward pain it brought me.
There were too much unnecessary forced referencing of anime on my daily life. I was the kind of person who would say 'itadakimasu' before eating instead of praying like a good, humble, kind, generous, forgiving, honest and normal christian roman catholic.
What kind of creature was I back in third year?
When I was sad? Anime...
When I was happy? Anime!!!
When I was bored? Ani-meh
When I had nothing else to write? Anime -nime -ime -me- e -
According to the contents of the first binder my top anime were:
- Naruto
- Fairy Tail
- Nurarihyon no Mago
- Kekkaishi
- Durarara!!
- Hayate no Gotoku
- Soul Eater (that I never really completed watching)
- and some other anime that were currently showing on Animax Asia at the time.
My preferences for the holy grail of entertainment were very limited at the time, though I am glad I had the great fortune of discovering Drrr!!. But since I was at school when I wrote these down I couldn't watch anime without being accused of watching hentai, so instead I listen to music.
Get this though, every time I graced my ears with music I wrote down the lyrics as fast as I could catching up with the song. And the lyrics? They're in romaji. Seriously, what the fudgy bar? Was I that bored?
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| Tomorrow by Mikuni Shimokawa |
If it's not obvious enough the majority of my high school experience revolved around anime, if not then I was all emo about lost one-sided romance that never really got anywhere.
Oh yeah romance. Thought my high school experience was the epitome of forever alone? Heck no. I had worse, of course.
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| one of those pages that gave me a special kind of unshakable hatred for my past self |
The contents of the first binder were mostly about emotional garbage, though, it's heck of a long stretch from the initial point of budding romance. But to further humiliate myself I might as well reiterate what I have been posting since I made this blog.
Having a crush on someone is. I hope, something normal among high school students. It's the main inspiration for love triangles where he loves her but she loves this other guy, and vice versa. It's also a source of heartbreak, something my heart is used to, hehe I crie again and again. I spent my second year (best year by the way) with my friends from first year as well as new friends when the sectioning of students reshuffled according to our grades from first year. I befriended two quiet girls who were (maybe) obsessed with anime as much as I was. Come third year some of us got separated from the group but we still spent as much time as we could together - eating lunch still as a group, etc. - but only then did I realize I was infatuated by one of the two girls I mentioned who were obsessed about anime. Of course I didn't tell her that, though. My series of bad decisions began during the cotillion practice for the JS Prom. I don't know what the teachers saw in me that made them think I could dance but they entered me as one of the members of the cotillion. My partner? Her. Codename Valkyria. It was seriously by chance. The dance instructor made us line up so that the boys would be partnered with the girl closest to their height. And lo and behold I thought the prom was going to be the best time of my high school life, it wasn't.
I was probably drunk with affection (lol, affection, yuck) at the time that I asked Valkyria to dance with me after the cotillion on Facebook messenger. That's the kind of coward I was escaping the awkward interaction and just asking online. I didn't get her reaction of course but she was clearly evasive. And everything went downhill from there. I got to hold her hand and dance with her but both of us couldn't look at each other in the eye during the actual dance. It was more awkward than painful at the time, but now looking back it's the other way around. To top it all off I gave her a rose which one of my teacher told me to give to our principal.
That night was total hell.
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| Rei Ayanami...a little |
And see you all next post.
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