There was a power interruption that lasted for around 2 hours earlier this evening. Rather than play video games to pass the time I went on and finished watching Koe no Katachi after seeing the first half a few months ago. I held it off for so long because I wanted to have something to look forward to. Something to make me think that god, karma, Buddha, Amaterasu or whichever divine powers that be will keep me alive until I fulfill that task. It's a silly way of thinking my mortality won't end soon because I have plenty of things to look forward to. It's also something I keep telling myself to justify my indolence.
Going back to Koe no Katachi. How should I put it...
It's a beautifully animated film by Kyoto Animation. Heard great reviews when it came out and, without doing proper research, I'm pretty sure it came out around the time Kimi no na wa (something I'm also actively holding off) was also released. There were more talks and rave reviews for Kimi no na wa, but I think Koe no Katachi deserved the same buzz. Actually, I spoiled myself from experiencing a good story by reading Kimi no na wa's story in advanced which is why I'm probably not going to see it anytime soon. I read the first few chapters of Koe no Katachi back when the manga was still fresh, but other than that the story from the film was fresh for me. And really I'm glad I didn't spoil myself this time around. Though I heard the manga is far superior to the animated adaptation, I guess I'll just have to decide on that once I actually get to read the manga again (and thus, I have something new to put on hold).
As for what I think of Koe no Katachi's story, well, I'm blogging about it. That's about the highest praise I can give to anything, really. Whether it be a video game, film, book, an experience, an hour of conversation, etc.
Considering my inconsistent blogging, I feel like every post I make since I grew tired of posting carry real weight now. So if I blog about something I think it had a profound effect on me enough to organize my thoughts and put it into words. And Koe no Katachi did just that to me. I'm blogging about it because I'm still thinking about it. How connections can help you find your voice, how some people resort to suicide not just to end their pain but also to stop the inconvenience they think they are giving to the people around them, how some people can be so awful and genuine at the same time, how very possible it is for someone to break free from the bindings of the past and start anew...
Granted there was a power interruption on a Friday night, and I haven't watched anime since Violet Evergarden's last episode so the stars seemed to align this rainy evening for me to feel this way. Which is to say, I probably won't be in this sudden existential crisis rut had I watched Koe no Katachi some other time. I'm inclined to agree. Why? It's always the same reason...
Time.
I have no quarrel with time. I just have silent resentment against it. Why fight a concept anyway? You getting excited? This isn't anime. This is life. Life sucks. Time sucks. Growing up sucks. Why can't I have the time I wasted when I was a child back as an adult? I'll gladly trade 3/4th of my already low salary to make one day 25 hours. So much could happen in one hour when you know time is running out.
Time is running out, isn't it?
It sucks.
It makes me want to always be in a hurry.
Picking just one hobby is difficult. You have to work, you have to keep learning new things to not fall behind, and then you got to live. Not that those three are mutually exclusive. That's why I find great admiration and envy from people who found themselves treading on the fine line between those three. But let's not kid ourselves, there are more than three pillars to a successful life. The things I listed are just the ones I chose to struggle at. Some people have more on their plate. There are relationships, professional and emotional connections, etc. etc. etc.
I work. I study a bit. How do I live right now? By choosing between my many hobbies and focusing on those until it dawns on me that not only am I running out of time but I'm also wasting it on something useless. In high school and college, I enjoyed watching anime. Maybe I enjoyed it too much that I chose quantity over quality. I was proud that one year I was able to watch 75 anime series, but looking back only few of those 75 titles stuck with me. A few months before graduating college I gave up watching anime altogether and focused on what mattered at the time - my Special Problem (sort of like a thesis but way easier), and animation.
For someone like me concerned about how to get ahead, I sure am struggling. I suck. I suck because I imposed upon myself an imaginary race track filled with images of many victories I couldn't achieve. Why? Because I see everyone as enemies. And no matter how hard I try to convince myself that what I hate isn't the person but the person who I am when I see other people, I still fall back to status quo. Goddamn do I suck.
If there's a silver lining to all this is that I haven't fully let go of that child years ago who just wanted to have fun. The me from the past who could inject a sense of wonder in a drab world. While I'm thoroughly convinced that the me from the past and the me right now would equally despise each other, we'd still meet in the middle when it comes to our enjoyment in creating and discovering. I owe it to my silly self from years ago that I'm even able to animate right now. Though I'm awful at it, at least I get to be behind the camera for once not just watching things unfold, but having a part in how things come together. In some way, that's a small success I can be proud of even for just a little while.
Welp.
This one went nowhere. I was just about to contemplate about the time I almost committed x and the time I fell into y. But those are the times I look back to fondly wondering how I recovered from those times. Uninteresting stories from my past for another time. But definitely a story I would tell for willing ears. I do love telling stories. Whether the composition of which are great or not I leave to the listener.
Time is running out. What are you still doing here? Go live your life.
Going back to Koe no Katachi. How should I put it...
It's a beautifully animated film by Kyoto Animation. Heard great reviews when it came out and, without doing proper research, I'm pretty sure it came out around the time Kimi no na wa (something I'm also actively holding off) was also released. There were more talks and rave reviews for Kimi no na wa, but I think Koe no Katachi deserved the same buzz. Actually, I spoiled myself from experiencing a good story by reading Kimi no na wa's story in advanced which is why I'm probably not going to see it anytime soon. I read the first few chapters of Koe no Katachi back when the manga was still fresh, but other than that the story from the film was fresh for me. And really I'm glad I didn't spoil myself this time around. Though I heard the manga is far superior to the animated adaptation, I guess I'll just have to decide on that once I actually get to read the manga again (and thus, I have something new to put on hold).
As for what I think of Koe no Katachi's story, well, I'm blogging about it. That's about the highest praise I can give to anything, really. Whether it be a video game, film, book, an experience, an hour of conversation, etc.
Considering my inconsistent blogging, I feel like every post I make since I grew tired of posting carry real weight now. So if I blog about something I think it had a profound effect on me enough to organize my thoughts and put it into words. And Koe no Katachi did just that to me. I'm blogging about it because I'm still thinking about it. How connections can help you find your voice, how some people resort to suicide not just to end their pain but also to stop the inconvenience they think they are giving to the people around them, how some people can be so awful and genuine at the same time, how very possible it is for someone to break free from the bindings of the past and start anew...
Granted there was a power interruption on a Friday night, and I haven't watched anime since Violet Evergarden's last episode so the stars seemed to align this rainy evening for me to feel this way. Which is to say, I probably won't be in this sudden existential crisis rut had I watched Koe no Katachi some other time. I'm inclined to agree. Why? It's always the same reason...
Time.
I have no quarrel with time. I just have silent resentment against it. Why fight a concept anyway? You getting excited? This isn't anime. This is life. Life sucks. Time sucks. Growing up sucks. Why can't I have the time I wasted when I was a child back as an adult? I'll gladly trade 3/4th of my already low salary to make one day 25 hours. So much could happen in one hour when you know time is running out.
Time is running out, isn't it?
It sucks.
It makes me want to always be in a hurry.
Picking just one hobby is difficult. You have to work, you have to keep learning new things to not fall behind, and then you got to live. Not that those three are mutually exclusive. That's why I find great admiration and envy from people who found themselves treading on the fine line between those three. But let's not kid ourselves, there are more than three pillars to a successful life. The things I listed are just the ones I chose to struggle at. Some people have more on their plate. There are relationships, professional and emotional connections, etc. etc. etc.
I work. I study a bit. How do I live right now? By choosing between my many hobbies and focusing on those until it dawns on me that not only am I running out of time but I'm also wasting it on something useless. In high school and college, I enjoyed watching anime. Maybe I enjoyed it too much that I chose quantity over quality. I was proud that one year I was able to watch 75 anime series, but looking back only few of those 75 titles stuck with me. A few months before graduating college I gave up watching anime altogether and focused on what mattered at the time - my Special Problem (sort of like a thesis but way easier), and animation.
For someone like me concerned about how to get ahead, I sure am struggling. I suck. I suck because I imposed upon myself an imaginary race track filled with images of many victories I couldn't achieve. Why? Because I see everyone as enemies. And no matter how hard I try to convince myself that what I hate isn't the person but the person who I am when I see other people, I still fall back to status quo. Goddamn do I suck.
If there's a silver lining to all this is that I haven't fully let go of that child years ago who just wanted to have fun. The me from the past who could inject a sense of wonder in a drab world. While I'm thoroughly convinced that the me from the past and the me right now would equally despise each other, we'd still meet in the middle when it comes to our enjoyment in creating and discovering. I owe it to my silly self from years ago that I'm even able to animate right now. Though I'm awful at it, at least I get to be behind the camera for once not just watching things unfold, but having a part in how things come together. In some way, that's a small success I can be proud of even for just a little while.
Welp.
This one went nowhere. I was just about to contemplate about the time I almost committed x and the time I fell into y. But those are the times I look back to fondly wondering how I recovered from those times. Uninteresting stories from my past for another time. But definitely a story I would tell for willing ears. I do love telling stories. Whether the composition of which are great or not I leave to the listener.
Time is running out. What are you still doing here? Go live your life.
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