Do you ever get that kind of feeling? The feeling of loneliness and not being able to produce a clear visualization of the possible futures that can happen, have you felt it?
Maybe we all have at different points in time. Maybe we just differ in our own definitions.
What I feel now is the feeling of emptiness. A few minutes from now, my mom and I are going to Los Banos. She's going to stay there overnight but she'll leave tomorrow night.
Right now, as I am typing these words and simultaneously re-reading everything word for word, I feel empty.
I feel uncertain of everything, I don't know what to do.
This kind of feeling always attack me every time I go somewhere and spend the majority of my days by myself, away from family, away from home. It's hard not to shed a few tears thinking about that.
Homesickness, loneliness, feelings of uncertainty...sometimes all these lead me to depression. I cry alone in my dorm, patting my own back, looking at the mirror and seeing my tear-soaked face, I try to smile and whatever means to calm myself down. I tell myself that it's going to be okay but sometimes it's just hard. My will is weak, I can't live alone.
Aren't there animals like those? Animals which can't live alone, and in the event that they do they'll eventually die...
They die writhing in emotional pain, alone and unnoticed.
Smile...just keep smiling, we can do this.
I have to, I need to and I want to...I have to, I need to and I want to.
The people around me, they've done so much for me, sacrificed a lot for me, this is just one of my little chances to give back. But now I know, that every time these great people sacrifice something, they also feel sad or empty. The sacrifices are great but the gain is definitely greater.
Just please, if I can't get rid of this lonely, empty feeling...please help me cope up with it. It's killing me...depression is killing me.
I don't want to be alone.
Maybe we all have at different points in time. Maybe we just differ in our own definitions.
What I feel now is the feeling of emptiness. A few minutes from now, my mom and I are going to Los Banos. She's going to stay there overnight but she'll leave tomorrow night.
Right now, as I am typing these words and simultaneously re-reading everything word for word, I feel empty.
I feel uncertain of everything, I don't know what to do.
This kind of feeling always attack me every time I go somewhere and spend the majority of my days by myself, away from family, away from home. It's hard not to shed a few tears thinking about that.
Homesickness, loneliness, feelings of uncertainty...sometimes all these lead me to depression. I cry alone in my dorm, patting my own back, looking at the mirror and seeing my tear-soaked face, I try to smile and whatever means to calm myself down. I tell myself that it's going to be okay but sometimes it's just hard. My will is weak, I can't live alone.
Aren't there animals like those? Animals which can't live alone, and in the event that they do they'll eventually die...
They die writhing in emotional pain, alone and unnoticed.
Smile...just keep smiling, we can do this.
I have to, I need to and I want to...I have to, I need to and I want to.
The people around me, they've done so much for me, sacrificed a lot for me, this is just one of my little chances to give back. But now I know, that every time these great people sacrifice something, they also feel sad or empty. The sacrifices are great but the gain is definitely greater.
Just please, if I can't get rid of this lonely, empty feeling...please help me cope up with it. It's killing me...depression is killing me.
I don't want to be alone.
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